dumb phones and murder tools

(unnecessarily strong language warning!  We do so love animated foul-mouthed forest creatures operating text to voice software.)

Really I’m a hater for all smartphones.  The most basic cellphone on the market is way too smart for me.  I don’t need a camera/video/interweb/GPS/appsavvy telephone.  I just need a landline I can rip out the wall and make calls from anywhere to anywhere and flippin hear the words spoken through it.  And I want it for less than $50/month.  Is that so much to ask for in these modern cussing times?!  Someone deliver this poor man a dumb phone!  I grow weary of my outrageous cell phone bills subsidizing the research, development and marketing of the latest greatest unfathomable accomplishment that I will never ever get around to using.

I really should be painting the kitchen or pricing siding at the lumberyard but the rant continues…  My problem is that I’m a dumb-tool man.  Carpenters are by profession generalists, which means they know how to operate dozens of specialized hand and pneumatic and power tools- like that awesome fight scene in Crouching Tiger when Michelle Yeoh keeps pulling weapons off the dojo’s racks to get the job of murdering her opponent done.  You don’t use a circular saw to cut trim and you don’t use a jigsaw to rip sheet goods.  You use the right tool and your life is easier and the work looks professionally done.  All-in-one tools are without exception crap.  That includes you, Mr. smartypants phone.


7 responses to “dumb phones and murder tools

  1. my grandmother still has a rotary dial. I’m sure I can get the family to donate to you one day.

  2. I sense frustration. If blogging about it isn’t enough to get all pent-up energy out, then bring a sledge-hammer over here and take out your worries on the fake well.

  3. I’m terrified of the fake well too! I think there’s some Japanese horror movie thingie living in there!!

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