Baby Momma Bloggers

Of all the culture gulches that plague us- paper v. plastic, Limbaugh v. Franken, new car buyers v. used car buyers, renters vs. owners, and the list goes on forever and the party never ends, the one that at times most affects my family is the kids v. kidless divide.  The gulf is huge and, until recently, thought to be unspannable.

Kids are the ultimate trump card, and there are plenty of times when good parenting overrules all other social obligations.  To parents this is a no-brainer, but to the rest of us it can be trying.  When there’s a larger group, folks with kids usually get their way.  I grew up in a time and place when adults always got their way, and it was our task and burden as kids to keep quietly out from underfoot.  I’m not sure if I agree with this philosophy, but it’s what I’m used to.

The older and the grumpier I get, the harder it is for me to be flexible around other people’s children.  I get that their parents HAVE to be both flexible about the needs of their children and rigidly inflexible about the schedule they’ve set for when the kid eats and sleeps and poops.  I get that.  And those parents will be rewarded in their old age by doting children and grandchildren while I look enviously from my lonely wheelchair.  But until then, or until we have kids, I’ll remain ambulatory on the other side of the divide, on the other team.

My team, the late diners and late sleepers, the keepers of the sacred fire of spontaneous moviegoing and pic-nicking, is Team Kidless.  My team doesn’t spend much time reading mommy or daddy blogs, unless there’s a direct blood or close friendship bond.  I’d throw myself in front of a truck for my niece and nephews and the small army of kids our friends have produced who’ve stolen my heart, but unless they can dance like Beyonce or 5 star a Guitar Hero rock anthem on expert difficulty, I don’t want to spend my free time watching videos of them.

I’m always a little bitter when my blog rival Ben posts something really adroable that his daughter Annabelle has done.  That 4(?) year old is smarter, faster, friendlier, and has way better skin than I’ll ever have.  Ben also holds the record score for blog activity from his recent announcement that he successfully knocked up his beautiful and muscular wife Rachel.  I just can’t compete with that!

And then it hit me with all the attention the blog’s been getting during my recent posts.  I’m switching up.  I’ve become a mommy blogger!  All I want to do is race home and write about whatever brilliant or interesting thing Fer did or made us get off our arses and do.  Also I’ve been meaning to post about a profound experience I had carrying a sleeping 3 year through a starlit field a few weekends back.  MAH BABY!

So I get it, after subbing in on the other team for a few innings.  I get the love, the obsession.  Funny thing is, soon as my short term parenting leases are up, I’m happily back on the other team.  Ada’s mom has an expression for my experience.  “Other people’s kids,” she says and pinches the fabric under your sleeve.  “Your kids!” she then says as she gives a wicked pinch to the soft flesh just inside the sleeve.  Too true, suegra.


8 responses to “Baby Momma Bloggers

  1. I would gladly lend you my kid if you need some fodder for your new mommy blog. He also doubles as an arm-workout. So you could type away about your borrowed baby with bulging muscles (said with your perfect Arnold accent).

    • careful what you offer, I get attached fast. I only stay attached if they are self feeding and cleaning and gainfully employed.

  2. You DID turn into a mommy blogger right under my nose and I didn’t even catch it. Did you notice how seamless the transition was, that’s exactly how parenting is. The thought of entering it is terrifying, but then you wake up one day and seemingly out of the blue you are at the skate park with a 14 year old, dance class with a 3 year old (close, buddy), and have one in the oven. I don’t like hearing about other, and sometimes even my own, kids’ adventures if it’s just a blah report of typical benchmark achievements. But if told with gusto, a recount of a fart in the tub can captivate me. So, if nothing else to get you and Ada started, have a kid so you can boost your ratings with lots of funny stories and get a tax credit to boot.
    I think it’s funny that the first comment on this post was from a mommy blogger.

    • I’d totally meant to bitch about the tax structure but forgot! How does it work that the guys I work with get a couple grand back at the end of the year and I end up having to put a couple grand in! I know those parents don’t spend their tax loot on the kids. But seriously, those guys need all the help they can get. I don’t begrudge their refunds I just want a fat check too.

  3. You captured my heart because I tell Isaac stories….but I don’t have to pay for his college. I can be the fun aunt by taking him to Asheville Pizza Company, hand him $5 and let him play in the game room while I watch him and his excitement. I know since I am kidless that one day he will choose my assisted living facility. I just hope he remembers the game room and the $5.

  4. Hey, I guess Im no longer going to be a member. But can we still be friends?

    Also I just thought you should see the following conversations your blogging has created. Straight from facebook.

    (“My baby!”-Ada)

    Chelle Childs-I found this on one of Megan’s links. Reminded me of us: Team Kidless Baby Momma Bloggers | Highland Street Blog Co.
    Dena Jackson-Go Team Kidless! lol However, it seems as though the numbers on our team are dwindling by the day!
    Thursday at 9:33pm · LikeUnlike
    Megan Jackson Oh does it ever!
    Thursday at 9:43pm · LikeUnlike ·
    Luke Sowards haha! I love it!
    Thursday at 11:07pm · LikeUnlike
    Becky Williams I totally understand this. Pop and I were on Team Kidless for 11 years before you were born, except that we had our cocker Rusty. Maybe that is why the empty nest is not killing us now.
    Yesterday at 10:04am · LikeUnlike
    Dena Jackson John said that if it weren’t for Madeline he thinks we would prob have a kid sooner! lol I think she fillls that place quite nicely at the moment!
    Yesterday at 3:57pm · LikeUnlike
    Becky Williams Has Granny said anything about this lately?

    • whoa- meta comments! A HSBC first!

      Of course we can still be friends!!!!!! I don’t think either team intentionally disses the other so maybe the metaphor is flawed. It’s just that babies demand so much time/energy resources it’s hard to have as much left to invest in friendships so I think for really close friendships there’s a breakup phase followed by a negotiated return in relations. Whoah. That got academic.

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